"All that's missing is...nothing. Nothing is missing."
Do you remember how the greatest time of your life was the time you spent in college.
A few classes a day.
A little studying.
Lots of hanging out with friends, drinking, talking about life.
You thought that that was what life was going to be like forever didn't you? (maybe with a little more money)
But then you got a job.
And you had kids.
And now life is jsut going to work, paying bills, chauffeuring your kids to sports, catching up on sleep and just waiting to die.
Waiting to Die...
Nobody organizes inflatable sumo wrestling contests for you.
Or invites interesting speakers for you to come and listen to.
And you don't have an "all you can eat" dining plan.
Where are the softball games, the pick up ultimate frisbee on the quad, and wet t-shirt contests?!? (To say NOTHING of the fact that the last book you read was one of those "H is for Homicide" train wrecks and your mind has turned into a quivering bowl of social media reactive jelly.
C'mon man. If your younger self could see you now (and could figure out what exactly an IPhone was), he or she would be disgusted.
Well. Don't worry.
We've got your "Younger Self Transporting into the future and being disgusted with you" Insurance policy.
It's called Fort Hunt University.
Yes, Fort Hunt is now a COLLEGE TOWN with all of the intellectual, recreational, and social amenities that come with.
Thought provoing discussions - Interesting Courses and Workshops - Improv Comedy - Intramural Sports - Campus Radio - Spirit Wear - Distinguished Faculty and Speaker Series.
We even have the ability for you to drop ANY CLASS AT ANY TIME (all the way up to the final) with NO IMPACT on your permaent record. (Just in case you also have ever had that "Oh, my god, I never went to that class all semester" dream).
Not the University You Want but The University You Deserve...
In short, Fort Hunt University is not the University you need...it's the University you deserve.
And you don't have to pay $40,000 a year PLUS Books to attend. No, barely half that. Only $100. And your annual tuition includes: You, your spouse, your children, elderly parents living with you, exchange students. Pets. Really anyone who shares the room
(Doing an AIR BNB? Your guests can enroll for the night).
At $100 for annual tuition, divided by the approximately 16 people who are living in your house, further divided by the number of days in a year (approximately 400), you should actually end up owing ME.
And before you think that Fort Hunt University is all just keggers, streaking, and impromptu judiciary hearings where you will be denied your due process rights, it's also EDUMACATIONAL!
Courses Ripped from the Headlines
That's right we have COURSES and LESSONS and WORKSHOPS...for Reals. Real Stuff. Real Experts. Ripped from the headlines.
Amazon coming to town and you need to get ready? Take the online course about how to order stuff from Amazon?
Getting excited about the final season of "Game of Thrones" and need a refresher? Take a class!
Now, by now, you're asking yourself...how much is this going to cost me? $1,000,000? $2,000,000? $5,000,000?!?
(Relax - you're off the deep end.)
No... in order to enroll at Fort Hunt University and get all of the accompanying privileges and responsibilites, you will be paying $100. In cash, check, money order.
Financial Aid is Available.
Financial Aid IS Available.(Simply send me a list of your monthly expenses and I'll give you some financial advice about what to eliminate. "Dude - you don't even USE AOL anymore?!? $8.95 a month!?")
But wait, there's more.
While this is MOSTLY just a kitschy nostalgia play and a way for you to get more connection and enriching activities, there ALSO is a real educational component in the form of ONLINE courses and even in person stuff. As Chancellor/President, I will be reaching out and assembling the greatest faculty the world has ever seen to make you wiser, wealthier, healthier, and happier. (Think about it like the "A-Team" if B.A. had a B.A.)
Here is a sampling of the types of courses that you'll be able to complete online and add to your FHU transcript: ** Additional fees may apply
Web Programming - Intro to Logic and Argument - Business Marketing - How to Create an Online Course - Introduction to Piano - Best Technology Hacks - Essentials of Real Estate Investing - Stress Free Landlording - Nutrition for Gut Health - Campaign 2020 - Wild Ride
Now, I know what you're thinking. The only reason you went to school was to get a degree so you could get a job. "Is this going to help me get a job?"
Dude. Wake up. You're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old. You don't need college to get a job. You need college to get a LIFE!
1 Easy payment of $99 - Annual Tuition for the Entire Family (Including Pets!)
Become a Founding Member
Become one of our 100 first Founding Members and have your name emblazoned on the wall of honor FOR EVER!
Chancellor and President Frazier O'Leary
Fort Hunt University Amenities ** Additional fees may apply
8 Elementary Schools
A Smoothy Place
a Custard Shack
8 Softball Diamonds
3 Regulation Football/Soccer Fields
10 Tennis Courts
1 Volleyball Net
Drag Racing Strip
2 Fishing Ponds
Christmas Light Show
Ice Skating Rink
River to Separate us from Maryland
Un-Used Pre-Civil War Fort
MIles and MIles of Hiking Trails
LIke 100 doctors and a Hospital
Convenient access to soul-crushing Rt. 1 Corridor (with great shopping)
Sprawling campus, Churches, Recreational facilites, gyms, Easy access to
Video - Icons - Testimonials - Listing of Courses - Faculty Profiles - Video Tour